The Lost Ones
by fleurofthecourt
Summary: Castiel's business card, labeled Agent Beyonce - FBI, finds its way into Mary's hand after a few days of soul searching. [post episode s12e03 The Foundry, implied Castiel/Dean Winchester]


Castiel's business card, labeled _Agent Beyonce_ \- FBI, finds its way into Mary's hand after a few days of soul searching.

She pulls it out of the glove box of her stolen '78 Pontiac - the first car she'd found that she was familiar enough with to hot wire - and simply stares at it.

Maybe, just maybe, Castiel can help her.

She's not exactly sure what all her questions are, but she still thinks he may have at least some of the answers.

She left the bunker not really knowing what to do or where to go.

And, honestly, she still has no idea.

Going back to Lawrence, if anything, made things worse.

The house is still there, of course. But there's a different family, with different children, different even than the ones that Dean had described to her from when she'd been a ghost. And it just makes her feel even more out of place.

Visiting town doesn't help either.

There's a bank where there used to be an ice cream parlor, a store selling cell phones where there used to be a second hand bookshop, and a man gives her a miffed look when she asks what happened to Blockbuster.

So, she thinks, maybe, that she should look back even further, maybe find someone she knew when she was still knee deep in rock salt and hunting rifles.

So she winds up in a local library in Des Moines with a librarian no older than she is helping her navigate the internet just long enough to find obituaries for the first two people she thinks she might be able to reach out to with the fact that she's back from the dead after thirty years.

After that, she thinks, maybe, she's better off not digging up that part of her past.

There's a reason she never wanted her boys getting involved in any of this in the first place.

And, she's completely devastated that, from what Sam and Dean have said, it's their whole life.

She wishes she could have been here to prevent this, and, from what John's written in his journal, it seems to her that the best thing she could have done for her boys was be prepared for that goddamn yellow eyed monster.

It's so much easier to miss the little boys and the man she loved than to see what her absence did to them.

As much as they're strangers to her, she's afraid of what they've all become.

XXX

She finds a motel in St. Louis and sits against the headboard, drumming Castiel's business card against her hand.

She knows that Sam and Dean meant well with everything they'd done with her. They wanted to be together, to be a family, and, honestly, she wants that too. She does.

But she's not ready.

She needs more time to process it all.

She has so much to learn - about them, about the world she's been dropped into.

And, well, Castiel - he's the only one who has made her feel less lost.

Because he's lost too.

Perhaps not in the same way, but at least he understands.

This is all very jarring for her.

And, well, he knows Sam and Dean.

Perhaps hearing about them second hand will be less painful than hearing it from them.

Maybe it won't.

She has no idea. She's in completely uncharted territory here.

She keeps drumming the card between her fingers before calling it a night.

She'll try to sleep on it.

If she can even sleep.

XXX

The next afternoon, she climbs into Castiel's truck with a bag of funyuns and shoves an old AC/DC cassette she will never admit to stealing from the Impala into the tape deck.

Highway to Hell begins playing and he gives her a wane smile. "He's so much like you."

She hopes, desperately, that that's a good thing and simply nods.

XXX

A day later, when Dean sends a simple two word text, a whole week after the event - _Mom left_ \- Cas obviously already knows. Mary's still sitting shotgun in his truck, unfolding a paper map and muttering about smartphones and GPS.

He's starting to understand how humans can make things so needlessly complicated.

Do Mary's needs come first?

Or do Dean's?

Mary needs space.

Dean needs Mary.

Their needs are completely incongruous.

Yet he wants to help both of them.

He frowns over the text until Mary tells him she thinks she knows which way to go.

He doesn't know what to do without hurting either of them.

He's not sure it's possible.

He steps on the gas pedal, drops the phone into the cup holder, and mulls over it for the next eighty miles.

XXX

_Mom left _is all that displays on the small screen that Castiel is staring at when Mary taps his shoulder to let him know that she's found some newspapers to comb through.

She winces; she knows exactly where those words are coming from before she even sees Dean's name at the top of the screen.

Castiel gives her a glum look. "I'm sorry, Mary, but I have to tell him. I have to tell him that you're with me."

Mary nods despondently.

She doesn't want him to, but she doesn't want to hurt the relationship that Dean and Castiel seem to have formed either.

She's not exactly sure what that relationship is, but it's deep and it's profound.

And she's already hurt Dean enough.

"I'm sure you do."

XXX

Mary pretends to read John's journal as Castiel's phone rings, dreading the ensuing conversation.

Ironically, she's afraid now that Castiel is going to leave her and go back to the boys.

It's unfair, she knows, but she feels as though her current need for Castiel is greater than theirs.

Although there seems to be a great deal of backstory - that they've only hit the tip of the iceberg on in their day on the road - he's giving her a purpose, letting her in on his mission.

He needs help finding Lucifer, and, right now, that involves doing a lot research but not yet a lot of leg work. And that's what she needs right now. Something that'll hopefully force her to learn new technology but allow her to do so at her own pace.

And he's not looking for her emotional support. She doesn't think he needs it, not from her, at least.

But, thinking that he does need it from someone, at the last second, she grabs the phone from Castiel's hand and hears Dean's voice, tinny and desperate on the other end of the line. "Cas? You still hunting Lucifer?"

Mary's surprised that she hears what Dean isn't saying _Cas, are you coming home? I need you to._

She steels herself before trying to rip the Band-Aid off quickly. "Dean, I'm with Castiel. I'm...we're looking for Lucifer together."

There's a few huffs followed by sniffling on the other end, and the line goes dead.

She drops the phone back onto the seat and Castiel rests his hand on her shoulder. "Like you, he needs time."

XXX

A few minutes later, Sam texts Castiel _Take care of each other and call if you need help. I'll take care of Dean._


End file.
